A BLOG BY ANY OTHER NAME . . .

I loved being part of this community last summer (on my now-retired blog), instantly felt welcomed by you wonderful people (I would like to name you all, but I've forgotten how to create links!) who so very early offered me your support, and, I feel, friendship when I started "The Unbearable Fatness of Being Me." It felt like an ideal time to deal with the issues that were (& are) keeping me fat, and to do so within this incredible community. At the time, I was also looking for a job that would supplement my husband's income, but that would also keep my stress levels low enough so that we could concentrate on getting, and staying, pregnant (we've had issues on that front as well . . . more on that later). But, hard-headed as I am, I powered my way into this teaching job that I suddenly desperately wanted (I get like that . . .), at this super-duper big-name school.

I knew what my body needed to be nurtured, and to eventually nurture another life, but the over-achieving me got caught up in the pursuit of something entirely opposed to that goal, something that seemed too good to pass up in a field that I am passionate about (teaching). Long story short (too late, I know . . .): the 'awesome' job nearly killed me. As usual, the kids were great (high school) and, as is not so usual, the pay was also great; unfortunately, the administration was not. Ninth circle of hell stuff, folks, I kid you not. A seriously disturbed principal and a few loyal minions = stress levels through the roof. No time to nurture a pet rock, much less myself, my husband, a pregnancy. I didn't have time to sleep, much less get pregnant, much less blog. Not just writing, but even reading my faves! I feel pretty guilty about that (I get like that too . . .), but I hope you guys will understand.

I finally had to make a decision: would I continue to trade my life's dreams and what little sanity I possess for the prestige and money (which was certainly helping A LOT) of that job??? I hated leaving 'my kids,' but the answer was an unequivocal "Take your money and shove it, you freaks!"(the admin., not the kids, natch). Actually, it was more like a meek "I quit" (it takes some serious emotional damage to make me meek!). And though hubs and I are pretty strapped for cash now, our priorities are getting back in focus once again.

So, okay, something happened that kept me away, but now I'm back . . . why not just continue my old, barely-used blog? Did I really have to go starting a new one? Well, yeah. Here's why: put simply, my focus has shifted. Though I'm still intent on losing weight so that I can feel the way I used to in my skin (or at least begin to feel good in it again, even if it's in a new way), there are other areas in my life that I now see as inextricably linked to that goal (which I'll get to later), and I am no longer thoroughly disgusted with myself. Therefore, I didn't think I could continue to write under the title "Unbearable Fatness." It just didn't feel right. Ya know?

See, one good thing did come out of that job: because of the insanity of it all, the over-work, the too-busy-to-eat (WHAT?! Yeah, for real . . . I know, crazy, huh?) . . . anyway, in 6 weeks I had dropped 22 pounds like . . . like, um . . . well, like I didn't think was possible for me to do! Obviously, it wasn't the healthiest way to do so (I've regained about 10 pounds in the couple months since leaving), but I finally saw that it was possible for me to lose weight. You've got to understand: I went from not-even-conscious-of-weight-skinny-chick to my present self, classic-struggling-with-weight-what's-a-portion-emotional-eating-dietschmiet-chick. I had no idea how weight loss occurs, not in real life, not on my body. NOW I DO.

I don't have a real plan yet, but consciousness is a good first step. So is this blog. I promise I'm working on the details, including how much I actually, and realistically, want to lose. I've got lots of things to sort through, past and present . . . and future, of course. I will say this, though: those twenty-two pounds did not put me very close to my old 'goal' weight . . . but having them off me felt damn good!!! It gives me a whole new perspective, for which I'm grateful. And I'm grateful to be back in the webworld. Thanks for stopping by. You guys are the sh*t!!!